Discipline is NOT Punishment
Discipline: to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control
As parents we usually think discipline means punishment. We often want to stick it to them so they suffer good and hard and then they will learn. Usually our lips are pursed, our face is pinched, our body is clenched. We can relax once they behave! Punishment is defined as suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution.
On the other hand, discipline is loving and works towards teaching our kids self-control, which is a much, much, much different skill set than obeying us, or defying us. Our kid’s self-control has very little to do with us.
Discipline seeks to strengthen, improve or teach to a given standard (pssst . . . do you notice that it is process, not a destination or a moment?).
Kids value their dignity - when we use intimidation, shame, sarcasm, bluster and public humiliation the lesson is lost as they seek to preserve their own self-value.
Do not weaponize feelings. We shouldn’t try to make a child feel sad, humiliated or outraged. When parents try to control feelings it usually has the child thinking about revenge, not about what they did.
Our spirit of discipline should always be, “Of course people make mistakes. No one is less worthy because of a mistake.” Kids recover and learn so much more quickly when they live in a community of fellow mistake makers.
Some kids/grown-ups go to the school of hard knocks and experience the same problem over and over and over. People ‘get it’ the exact moment they ‘get it’ and not ONE second before.
Kids value their dignity - when we use intimidation, shame, sarcasm, bluster and public humiliation the lesson is lost as they seek to preserve their own self-value. (That one is so important it bears repeating!)