5 Ways to Encourage
“Children need encouragement, like a plant needs water. “ Rudolf Dreikurs
Between the relentless pace of a 24/7 world, the rising cost of everyday life, and the constant pressure to 'do it all,' many parents are reaching a breaking point. Do you regularly feel burnout, exhaustion or overwhelm? As parents, you simply have to keep going. But how?
I thumbed through my highlighted and dog-eared books and came up with Encouragement! Encouragement isn’t silver linings or positive thinking, but encouragement is a tool kit we can fall back on again and again - in good times and in bad. Who needs encouragement more than parents navigating the battles of screen time, managing the whirlwind of after-school schedules, and checking off the endless list of daily tasks? (All while holding down a job or two!)
5 Simple Ways to be Encouraged Today
1. See What’s Right
Look for the teeniest of things. A sibling being nice to a sibling (even for a nano-second). A bed being made-ish. All of us need to be reminded regularly that our attitude is built on a foundation, like a house. And if the foundation is negative or pessimistic, you have accidentally built on a weak foundation. Seeing what’s right helps you build a strong and hopeful foundation.
2. Tend to your nervous system
Most likely your nervous system is in overdrive. With good reason. You can’t change current events, but you can change yourself. That means focusing on small tangible things. For example, eating. Do you eat regularly throughout the day, or do you let yourself get ravenous and then overeat? Focus on proteins, vegetables, and whole grains, followed by lots of water. Minimize foods that activate an anxiety response - sugar, caffeine, alcohol. Remember, when you change for yourself, your kids (and other adults you live with) will be influenced (and probably motivated) to clean up their food too.
3. Focus on sleep hygiene
We can’t make ourselves sleep, but we can induce it. An hour before bed, power down devices and turn the lights to a low setting. Wake up at the same time every morning; this activates and regulates your sleep drive more than going to bed at the same time. Having a strategy for when the 3 am worries keep you awake: a kindle nearby, New Age music in your headphones or a plan to get out of bed and read until you get sleepy again.
4. Notice Improvement
1% better is better. Keep expectations in line with your reality and nudge up your improvements in such small increments that you hardly feel it. This is a way to trick our brain into change (the brain does not like change). Mistakes are part of this whole kit and caboodle. Sometimes we yell at our kids, sometimes we spend too much time moping, or wishing life were different. Then to 'motivate’ ourselves, we berate ourselves (or our kids) and speak meanly to everyone. Instead, imagine if mistakes did not make us smaller or less valuable? What if mistakes are essential parts of the journey? Consider this quote by Rudolf Dreikurs:
“If we do not allow ourselves to be discouraged, ashamed, or humiliated, we may use our resources to correct our errors, sometimes with better results than if all had gone well from the start.”
5. Contribution
Allowing everyone in the family to contribute is so encouraging. Kids will often do tasks more slowly, less efficiently, with more mess, and that’s a small price to pay for them to be encouraged. Expand your idea of contribution - it doesn’t have to mean chores. What about a sunny disposition, or the speed of forgiveness kids seem to naturally have? Notice, notice, notice all the funny, hilarious, wise, and new things kids bring into your life, and let that contribution soak in.